Spotlight on: Robin (DC Comics)

No Holy anything, Batman

Robin, the Boy Wonder has a terrible PR agent. His image is tainted by cheesy catchphrases, a bare-legged costume with pixie boots, and rumored romantic feelings for Batman. He’s never had a decent live action portrayal, and in a culture where the masses get their comics fix from explosion-heavy movies (and some television), that doesn’t translate well for his overall image. Despite that, seventy-four years after he first appeared in Detective Comics #38 (April 1940), Robin has become an iconic and essential character in not only the Batman mythos, but in the DC Universe.

The primary source of information on comic book characters is found in – surprise! – the comics (but not all comics, just certain ones considered “canon”). Television, film, and theatre are all adaptations, which means they’re free to tell their own stories in their own style. The 1960’s Batman TV show used a very campy style to show off their cartoon caricature version of the Batman universe (and Robin’s image has suffered greatly because of it). Other adaptations follow the source material more closely and present the characters in a more positive light (such as the ever-popular 1990‘s animated Batman series). No matter how popular any of these show are, they’re still adaptations.

So who is Robin? The boy behind the mask is a little more complicated than he might seem because there have actually been five canonical Robins. Comics can get really crazy sometimes, for all sorts of reasons (story, ratings, and money, for example). Characters grow up, die, and get rewritten (or erased) all the time and it’s easy to get lost in the crazy. Here’s a brief breakdown of each of the Robins:

Richard “Dick” Grayson

As the original Boy Wonder, Grayson’s origin is well-known: he grew up in the circus with his parents – all three were acrobats in a troupe called “The Flying Graysons.” When his parents were killed in an “accident,” he was taken in by Bruce Wayne, who eventually taught him the ways of the Bat. He has one of the most significant relationships with Bruce Wayne because he’s had the most time with him. Bruce himself says no one knows him better than Dick Grayson, aside from perhaps Alfred. Grayson and Wayne both suffer from a tortured past, but rather than obsessing over it and allowing it to define him, Grayson has allowed himself to move on. He’s level-headed and rational, and very personable, but he’s also cocky and can let his emotions get the better of him. His acrobatic prowess is what really defines his fighting style. As he got older, he became one of the founding members of the Teen Titans, a group of sidekicks looking to distinguish themselves. He eventually grew out of the sidekick business and started a solo career as Nightwing.

Jason Todd

After Dick Grayson grew up/got fired/quit, Batman found a new protege in Jason Todd. Jason has a couple origin stories thanks to a reality-altering event called “Crisis on Infinite Earths” – an event that not only reinvented him, but led to his death four years later. Imagine a strawberry-blonde Robin with an origin story identical to Dick Grayson who suffers from Dick Greyson envy. Now forget that. Imagine instead a very angry street orphan living in a rough neighborhood who tries to steal the tires off the Batmobile. That’s Jason Todd. Batman takes him in and trains him as Robin to help Jason learn to control his rage before he becomes a criminal. Todd is the anti-Dick Grayson: he’s a rebellious pre-teen who smokes, swears, and defies authority (including Batman’s). His biggest red flag is his suggested willingness to kill the worst of the worst (Batman doesn’t kill – rule number one). Batman even sidelined Todd from active patrol, but that didn’t stop him.  unpopular with the fans, and in late 1988, the fans were given the ultimate option during the “Death in the Family” story arc: save or kill Jason Todd. A 1-900 call hotline was set up and over 10,000 votes were placed. With a 72 vote margin that is still debated today, Jason Todd was killed in epic fashion: the Joker beat him to near-death with a crowbar and then blew up the warehouse they were in. Batman sees Jason’s death as his ultimate failure and never stops carrying that weight. Luckily, no one stays dead forever in the comic book world. Jason Todd was resurrected in 2005 and became the anti-hero Red Hood.

Tim Drake

Tim Drake came on the scene a few months after “Death in the Family.” He’d seen “The Flying Graysons” as a young kid and deduced Dick Grayson’s Robin identity from an old video of Batman and Robin capturing the Penguin. Batman was an idle of his, but after Todd’s death, Batman became more psychotic and Drake believed that Batman needed a Robin to maintain his sanity. After a lot of work and butt-saving, Drake got his wish and became the third Robin. He’s an amazing detective with a genius-level intellect and has been trained to be an excellent fighter. If you see Robin fighting with a Bo staff, that’s Tim Drake. He’s an extremely hard worker and that dedication makes him come off pretty serious, but he’s a balanced guy overall. Drake, like his good friend Dick Grayson, sort of graduates from being Robin and becomes Red Robin. He’s currently the leader of the Teen Titans.

Stephanie Brown

That’s right, Robin was briefly a girl. There was a moment when Tim Drake was forced to stop crime fighting because his father found out about it. Stephanie Brown is the daughter of a minor Batman villain called Cluemaster. She didn’t like her father’s criminal actions and donned a costumed persona of her own (called Spoiler) to secretly help the cops and vigilantes. When Drake hung up his cape, she convinced Batman to take her on. Like the Robins before her, though, she was impulsive and didn’t like to listen. Batman gave her the boot because he didn’t think she could be trusted in the field. She was persistent to prove herself, but her actions started a gang war that got her (temporarily) killed. Not long after she resurfaced, she became the new Batgirl. When DC rebooted their universe in 2011, she was basically deleted. She’s only recently returned, but as Spoiler.

Damian Wayne

The three boys who held the title of Robin had been like adopted sons to Bruce Wayne, but Damian Wayne is an actual blood relative. He’s the offspring of Bruce Wayne and back-and-forth villain Talia al Ghul. He’s a test tube baby and a trained assassin. He’s very violent and thinks nothing of killing, but his biggest fault is his self-importance. He thinks he’s real hot stuff. After Bruce Wayne dies (he comes back to life later) and Dick Grayson takes up the mantle of Batman, Damian is chosen over Tim Drake to be the new Robin. Grayson feels Damian needs training and guidance to prevent Damian from going down a dangerous path. Damian is actually pretty similar to Jason Todd, and just like Todd, sidelining Damian proves disastrous. Damian recently died a hero’s death and has yet to resurface, leaving the position of Robin vacant.

There’s no wonder like the Boy Wonder

So there he is: Robin. He’s had five canonical versions, but they all have some things in common. Robin is young. He’s accepted out of necessity – to save (someone) from a dark future. He has potential, but he’s got a lot to learn. With youth comes impetuousness, no matter how disciplined or studious he may be. Maybe because of his youth and the joys that can bring, he has the ability to balance out the dark and brooding Batman. With time, luck, and sometimes resuscitation, he can grow into a formidable crime-fighting foe. Boy Wonder becomes Man Wonder, which completely loses its charm.

If you’re looking for some Robin action, but aren’t ready to jump into the comics, the DC Animated Universe (DCAU) is a great place to start. None of it is strictly canon, but there’s some really cool character stuff that happens. Amazing things happen with these guys as they get older. The bickering that happens when all the Robins are in the same room is awesome. Total personality clash.

*all images in this post were taken from Cover Browser

 

Man of Steel 2 Speculation: How everyone could fit in

Man of Steel 2 is happening and it’s confirmed that Mr. Man, Mr. Batman is on board. If you don’t already know, Superman and Batman are BFF’s, so the idea of seeing these two share an IMAX 3D screen is ten steps past excitement generating. Information about the new movie is pretty much limited to casting announcements and even the title isn’t set in stone (so far it’s being called Batman vs. Superman), so we don’t have a lot to go on. Speculation Goggles: ON! Why would these two super friends be pitted against each other? No, it’s not just for dramatic effect. There’s a logic to this, and I believe it’s thanks to one of the bigger flaws of the first movie…

BATMAN VS. SUPERMAN (ECHO, EcHo, echo..)

…the mass destruction of Smallville and Metropolis. Superman (once again played by the Henry Cavill) is meant to be the hero of Man of Steel, but from Batman’s perspective, Supes isn’t looking too heroic. With Ben Affleck being cast as the Dark Knight, we’re looking at a universe in which Batman has been Dark Knighting for some time. He’s tired. He’s moody. He’s not going to put up with some new guy’s crap. Superman, the new alien “hero” has more than earned a position on Batty-boy’s “To Watch” list.

The fact that Mr. Blue Tights was thrown into being a hero will be irrelevant to Batman. He’ll see destruction and chaos and a complete disregard for the safety of civilians. Not very hero like, Super-dupes. In fact, Superman saved Lois Lane (a love interest) and Martha Kent (his mom), and that’s about it. To someone who wasn’t privy to the cinematic details, that’s awfully selfish. And it’s not like either town was given a chance to evacuate, so whether fighting Faora or Zod, the destruction levels border on that of a nuclear bomb (minus some radiation -who knows what those terraformers left behind). It doesn’t take the World’s Greatest Detective to see how narrow-minded and careless someone got in his pursuit to stop a team of galactic terrorists. Terrorism to stop terrorism? The Bat does not like.

“Oh,” Bats says while viewing footage of the chaos from the Batcave. “If that weren’t enough, you went and killed your adversary? No, no, no. That won’t do.” (I’m so good at channeling Batman.) Batman is going to come at Superman full force with a hot poker to brand “Crime doesn’t pay” on Big Boy Blue’s forehead. Bruce Wayne, on the other hand, will be happy to lend a financial hand to the relief efforts. Humanitarian Extraordinaire! He’ll probably focus more on helping others (maybe even work with a certain Luthor), and will be less concerned with the would-be Blue Boy Scout.

A slight side-note: we know that Gal Gadot has been cast as “Diana of Themyscira,” but that doesn’t automatically mean she’s Wonder Woman yet (she probably is). We also don’t know what other beloved DC heroes are active in this universe; we assume the Justice League members are around because we anticipate a JL movie in the coming years. We do, however, know that Batman collects extensive data about friends and foes, so if anyone would know about active heroes and villains, it would be him. It’s possible he’ll reveal that information in conversation with Alfred or maybe even in conflict with Superman (“you’re more annoying than that lantern fellow”). Batman doesn’t give his trust out like candy in a parade, so even if he knows about other heroes it’s not a given that he trusts them. Even more unlikely is that he’d see a newcomer like Superman as a possible ally.

SUPERMAN VS. BATMAN, LEX LUTHOR, and HIMSELF (he’s very sad)

On the other hand, Superman is still figuring out who he is and where he fits in this world. He was pretty broody himself through most of the first film. By the end, we see he has a new sense of purpose, but he has yet to come to grips with the consequences of his actions. Clark Kent is trying to leave his nomadic days behind him. He’s got his new job at the Daily Planet and his relationship with Lois. So if he’s busy budding a romance and struggling to cope with and make amends for the chaos and death he was forced to bring about, having some masked vigilante swoop in and chastise him is not going to make him very happy. Meanwhile, Metropolis has been ravaged, and who better to swoop in and pick up the pieces than Lex Luthor (played by Jesse Eisenberg). Humanitarian of the Century! The people will love him, but we know him better than that. It would be so easy for Lex to paint a big ol’ target on Superman and unleash an angry swarm of [Metropolites?] on the freshly spandexed flying man. Lex would be free to enact any kind of dastardly genius plan he chooses. Pile on the problems!

And then there’s Tall, Dark, and Broody’s personality. Batman can come off as mean, violent, stubborn, and bossy. It’s hard to get along with that. Someone with a wholesome midwestern sense of morality is going to find that very off-putting. Hell, even Batman’s own family finds it hard to deal with sometimes. It’s not conducive to friendships.

Oh, but Princess Diana wants to crash the party, too! It’s possible that the Zod conflict catches her attention and brings her to Metropolis. Superman comes face to face with another superhumanoid, but she’s clearly not like Zod and his merry crew. Non-evil superhuman? That’s new. She’s confident in who she is. She’s lived her whole life knowing what she can do and she’s never had to be afraid of it. If someone asks who she is, she tells them. That’s the kind of life broody Clark Kent wishes he had. I doubt he’d find that threatening, more like she’s a kindred spirit. And she’s beautiful. I’m sensing love triangle. It doesn’t have to be a big deal (please don’t let it be a big deal). Clark Kent loves Lois Lane but this newcomer understands Superman and that’s cool. Flirt, flirt, separate. I don’t see Superman and Wonder Woman being together in this universe.

The Takeaway

There’s a lot of potential conflict in this new movie. My biggest hope, though, is that it remains a sequel. The majority of the casting announcements are Superman characters, so I think there’s good potential of this being a sequel. Wonder Woman was a bit of a curveball and it’s understandable to be worried that there’s too much going on in this movie, but I think it has a real shot if they keep it as a Man of Steel 2 that heavily features Batman and guest features Wonder Woman. I’m not sold on a newly established Lex Luthor being a big enough villain to warrant the full attention of DC’s Holy Trinity, but I’ll admit I’m very critical of the guy. Superman also has a lot of maturing to do, so if we do find out about other heroes, I hope it’s through minor dialogue or similar to the easter eggs in Man of Steel. One thing’s for sure, though, Supes and Bats are going to have an epic brawl.

Batman vs. Superman or Man of Steel 2 or whatever it’s going to be called is scheduled for a May 6, 2016 release date, but due to a strange showdown with Marvel, I wouldn’t be surprised if this changes. The DC movies have a long history of changing dates and being pushed back or cancelled, so I wouldn’t be surprised if it happens. I’ll stomach it, but only because I believe these guys want us to have the best possible movie. Time will tell. *This is an updated post from the old blog

Supes and Bats and Man of Steel 2

Let me *Disclaimer* before we get into this. If you haven’t seen Man of Steel yet, be careful, because there’s some *spoilers* ahead.

 (Photo credit: Jordan Lackey)

Man of Steel was a flawed movie. I loved it, I saw it again and I bought the soundtrack (which is also flawed), but it was a movie that had a few too many pockmarks (or skin tags, whichever dermis-changer you prefer). Deep down, though, that movie was awesome, and I believe that even its weakest moments set up huge potential for upcoming movies.

So. Man of Steel 2 is happening and it’s confirmed that Mr. Batman is on board. If you don’t already know, Superman and Batman are BFF’s, so the idea of seeing these two share an IMAX 3D screen is beyond excitement generating. Current information about the new movie is limited, but the biggest bagel bite out there right now is that it may be called something along the lines of Superman vs. Batman (or switch the names around). In fact, both supermanvsbatman.com and batmanvssuperman.com have been taken by Warner Brothers. Why would these two super friends be pitted against each other? No, it’s not just for dramatic effect, there’s a logic to this, and it’s thanks to one of the bigger flaws of the first movie…

Batman vs. Superman

…the mass destruction of Smallville and Metropolis. Superman comes off as the hero of Man of Steel, but from Batman’s perspective, Supes looks pretty villainous. One of the rumors circulating is that Warner Brothers is looking for an actor in his 40’s to play Batman. If this is true, then we could be looking at a universe in which Batman has been Dark Knighting for some time. We have no knowledge of any other active superheroes in this newly-established universe (keep in mind that the Nolan trilogy is considered a separate universe, and that Christian Bale is not Batman anymore), so this new alien “hero” would be on Batty-boy’s “To Watch” list. And if destroying small-town Kansas didn’t put Superman on Batman’s radar, the building-crumbling chaos in Metropolis definitely would.

Superman may have been forced into being a hero, but not once did we see him save anyone else besides Lois Lane. Metropolis wasn’t evacuated, so when Superman and General Zod were crashing through buildings, innocent people were surely injured. Buildings came crashing down; people were probably killed. Superman did nothing to help those people. In his defense, he was busy and very new at being a hero. We only saw a sliver of the man he’d come to be, but his clash with Zod got careless. Batman doesn’t need to be the World’s Greatest Detective to see this, and from his viewpoint, both Zod and Superman would need to be stopped.

Then we have the boulder that sent the camel straight off the cliff. *MAJOR SPOILER* Superman broke Batman’s cardinal rule: don’t kill. Superman can throw justification sand in Batman’s face all he wants, but killing your opponent is grounds for punishment. Batman is going to come at Superman full force with a hot poker to brand “Crime doesn’t pay” on Big Boy Blue’s forehead.

Superman vs. Batman

On the other hand, Superman is still figuring out who he is and where he fits in this world. He was pretty broody himself through most of the first film. By the end, we see he has a new sense of purpose, but he has yet to come to grips with the consequences of his actions. Nothing is free or easy, and no one knows this better than superheroes. So if Supes is struggling with the chaos he created and the death he was forced to bring about, having some masked vigilante swoop in and chastise him is not going to make him very happy.

Superman is trying to start a life. He’s got his new job at the Daily Planet and his relationship with Lois. Add to that the possibility of a new threat (let’s say Lex Luthor, because of all the LexCorp references in the movie), and Superman has his hands more than full without a man-sized rodent (Batman, not Man-Bat) barging in on his turf.

Batman comes off as mean, violent, stubborn, and bossy. It’s hard to get along with that. Someone with a wholesome midwestern sense of morality is going to find that very off-putting. Hell, even Batman’s own family finds it hard to deal with sometimes.

So Superman and Batman have a lot to fight about. Of course, I may be wrong about all this, and I hope I am, because I hate knowing too much about a movie that I’m really excited about. I expect this movie to be a sequel, meaning there should be a Superman villain. If that’s true, we’ll get a lot of action out of our caped crusaders, and we’ll get to see two of the most powerful and popular comic book characters battle each other,  but they will ultimately need to put their differences aside to defeat the enemy. At the very least, we’ll see a tentative relationship form by the end of the movie, since this is a lead-in to the upcoming Justice League movie. And hopefully the title changes, because the current title…sucks.

Look for more info on this 2015 movie, and see if there’s anything new about the 2016 Flash movie, all leading up to the 2017 Justice League movie. If I remember correctly, Wonder Woman is slated to get her movie post-Justice League, but that’s a topic for another day.

Related articles

• 5 Reasons Why ‘Superman vs. Batman’ Can Be the Next Big DC Superhero Movie (screenrant.com)
• 5 Actors Who Could Play Lex Luthor in ‘Batman vs. Superman (focusthoughts.wordpress.com)

Superhero Fitness Part 1: Zero to More than Zero

 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I stepped on a scale recently and found a hefty surprise waiting for me. Subsequent weighings on different days at different times reported mixed results, but I can say that I’ve gained at least 6 pounds of (mostly) muscle since I started working out consistently in January, but probably more like 7 or 8. Wowza.

This is coming from the guy who’s weighed the same for I don’t know how many years. I had the metabolism of a child. I didn’t work out, but I stayed active enough to maintain weight. I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted (and it was mostly carbs).

Wait! Before you tell me to F off (or slightly after), let me say that when I moved to New York I noticed things start to change. I still ate crap, but I didn’t walk away scratch-free anymore. I looked down at a naked chest and didn’t see a flat stomach; I saw a small pouch forming – the conception of a fantastic gut-to-be (Unwanted Pregnancy!)

Both sides of my family suffer from two body issues that I swore I would fight forever (but never had to until now): a big gut and a large butt. The former was rearing its nasty head and that only meant the latter would follow. Hell to the no!

My home workouts started around June of last year and I saw okay results, but I was inconsistent. Who wants to work out all the time when you could drink beer and play video games instead, am I right?

My trainer friend at work started training me once a week sometime around November. Outward results were minimal because she was focusing on increasing basic strength and stability rather than putting on mass or increasing maximal strength. She was building me a foundation out of stone (your core is your foundation, your abs are part of your core, insert rock hard abs joke, laugh. Ahaaaah…. breathe.)

By January I was studying to be a personal trainer and my friend got busy, so I was pretty much on my own for workouts, but the fire was lit. I aimed for working out (strength and cardio) five days a week but averaged out around three-per-week. Over the next few months I varied between three and six workouts a week and started focusing more on gaining muscle. My not-so-secret goal was to be Batman, but to look more like Nightwing. Kickin’ ass and takin’ names (and numbers)!

It was during this time that I noticed the appearance of new bumps and valleys on my body: the formation of muscles (WHOA, I have muscles?!) To a 140-lb man-child, this was a huge accomplishment. [A big] but, I’m new at being a trainer and designing consistently effective routines is a skill that I’m still refining; my workouts were under-structured and I was losing motivation because of it.

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A week and a half ago I started a new six-week program, inspired by Superman, that I found in the July issue of Muscle & Fitness magazine. It’s aim is to give you the look of a superhero, a.k.a. that broad-shouldered, tight-waisted V shape. Okay, so practically every magazine workout claims to give you that shape, but this was superhero-themed and I’m a sucker for supers, especially DC comics supers.

It takes a few weeks for muscles to recover and develop fully, so the results I’m seeing now are probably partially from pre-Superman workouts, but so far so good. The scale tells me I’m doing some awesome work and so does my exhaustion level.

I don’t have an end game in sharing my story; I don’t mean to inspire anyone or to push anyone to a more active lifestyle (but really, activity now = justification for laziness later). I’m proud of my progress and I look good. I’m not done, and I’m not perfect. I could eat better. I try. I switched to drinking more rum than beer. For a while I didn’t really drink at all (and I even considered giving up the habit all together, but those were dark times). I also have image issues. I can’t even see the light at the end of the tunnel right now, but dammit I’m going to be Batman (but look like Nightwing), and now it’s a little more believable when you look at me. HUZZAH!

Do Superheroes have muscle imbalances?

I’m a trainer-in-training, I work at a gym, I wonder things. Superheroes are just like us in that they put their bodies through some crazy stuff. The athletics they perform to save the world are amazing, but what about all the times some adversary shanks them, or they get shot, or they plummet sixty stories like that’s just something you do on any normal day. Or how about when they work out; just how “in shape” are they? What kind of problems do they have to work through when battling the latest psychopath, criminal, or monster?

The cumulative injury cycle is a process the body goes through to adapt to continued and repetitive stressors. Much like the emotional growth that characters in all media go through,the muscular system has to be broken in order to grow stronger. Let’s say you work out or get shanked. Muscle tissue is damaged and the first sign of repair is inflammation. This is why muscles appear bigger than they are after a workout. After a while, the repeated stress on the body forms what we call knots. If the knots aren’t taken care of, the body starts to adapt to the path of least resistance. People who hunch over a keyboard all day get knots in their neck and shoulders and pretty soon their posture becomes all hunchy. That’s a muscle imbalance. There are muscles that are working overtime to keep your body in that position, and there are other muscles slacking off because the new posture doesn’t require as much work from them.

We’re born with no muscle imbalances. As children, our posture is perfect. We learn to misuse our bodies, our bodies accommodate our nasty habits, and we both suffer in the long run for it. All superheroes have muscles (including the dead ones, but let’s not focus on them), so all superheroes are at risk for muscle imbalances. Batman, for example, grapples across the city with his grapple gun in his right hand. That’s a lot of force and trauma on one side of the body. How does he counteract that? Of course no one’s going to draw him with one side slightly bigger than the other because superheroes are supposed to look perfect, but most people are stronger on one side of the body than the other, and with something that’s repeated so frequently, I think it would be visible on Batman. How does that affect him?

Keep in mind that I’m pretty new to comics, but I noticed the other day the differences in the fighting styles of Batman and Nightwing. Batman is a big guy, somewhere around 210 pounds, and he’s bulky. He’s not going to be able to do the fancy jumps and leaps that Nightwing can do. Nightwing is a trained acrobat. His muscle is much leaner and he’s flexible. He would have no problem vaulting over enemies and spinning in mid-air to avoid projectiles. My guess is that Nightwing has fewer muscle imbalances that Batman, because he has to be able to perform complex movements, and tight, rigid muscles are not going to cut it.

I’d like to see Bruce Wayne in physical therapy after getting stabbed, or Nightwing foam-rolling after a long night of crime fighting. I don’t need to see a lot of it, but I always like the short bits where we see our heroes acting like normal people. It’s also a good learning experience for us; being Batman takes work, and not all work is sweat-inducing. Recovery is not immediate, and no great feat of strength comes without a price. Superheroes push their bodies to their limits and as far as we know, they go home and sleep off a stab wound and a concussion. I wouldn’t recommend trying that at home.

Moral Dilemma: Peeing while you’re Cleaning?

Shower time. You feel great. The water’s at a perfect temperature. You step in. Out of nowhere, disaster strikes! Your bladder suddenly decides it’s full. Your shower is ruined as you’re faced with the moral dilemma of whether to pee in the shower or hold it until you’re all cleaned up, because there is no way in Hades’ Underworld that you’re stepping out of the shower just to go to the bathroom. (I passed my personal trainer certification test, by the way).

Peeing int he shower is a doozy of a moral issue because it’s like a secret reveal about yourself. No one has to know you let the flow go in the shower; that’s your secret. On the flip side, no one has to know you were faced with a monumental decision and chose the moral high ground. Sure, you can tell the world either way, if you don’t mind a few glares here and an empty corner as your sole companion (and a rather dull companion at that), but this is mostly between you (and maybe that wall).

So what do you do? This isn’t a 911 emergency call situation just yet; you could hold it if you had to, but it ruins your relaxing shower experience. You’ve had a hard day, you wanted to relax, maybe you were too lazy to draw a bath (insert crayon and pencil joke about drawing a bath because I’m too lazy to be that clever), or maybe you don’t have bathtub access, so you decided a shower would be the perfect mode of relaxation and release. But do you release everything?

Why wouldn’t you? There’s running water, just like in a toilet, and it’s all going into the same sewer drain. And it’s proven science that holding in your excretions is one of the worst decisions you could make, so why the howdy do would you willingly destroy your wee-time area for such a silly reason as upholding the moral fabric of society when society is fuh-freaking clueless in regards to your act of desecration? You silly person, you.

So you pee in the shower. Ahhhhhhhh baby, yes please. Fool! The apocalypse is one day closer because of your selfishness. Are you going to tell the next person who uses the shower that you peed in it? You know, waste products leave a residue, and some poor idiot is going to step in your soap scum and yellow snow-juice. What if you were that person. Oh sure, it’s fine if you stay ignorant, but if you just stepped in the shower and someone told you that they had wizzed in the shower not five minutes past, how would you feel? What if they had turned the water off before they’d released their nitrogenous river, meaning the liquid at the shower floor is not residual water, it’s someone’s pee. See how society unravels. This is why we can’t have nice things.

The decision to pee in the shower is ultimately a moral one, because there’s plenty of reasons for and against both sides of the situation. And you know what I do when faced with a moral issue? I ask myself “What would Batman do?” Without thinking too much about Batman peeing in the shower, I like to believe he’d hold it. He may even be so bold as to get out of the shower, but I doubt it because no one does that. Not even Batman. If you can pee in the shower, who knows what else you’re willing to do? Kill an old lady? Recite Shakespeare, ignoring the rules of iambic pentameter?  Poo with the door open?! Wizz away, but know that it’s a slippery slope, peeing in the shower, and you control the soap dispenser.

Batman: Death of the Family

Promotional image, from Wikipedia

If you’re not a comic book fan, shut up and listen anyway. I’m not a frequenter of the genre, but my love of all things Batman and Joker made the “Death of the Family” story arc unmissable. I promise not to include too many spoilers in case you decide to pick up / download anything.

So here’s how this one worked: the main story happened in the Batman comics (#13-17) and the supporting story (tie-in) happened in Catwoman and Suicide Squad (Harley Quinn, Joker’s on/off-again girlfriend, is a member), as well as Batman and Robin, Nightwing, Batgirl, Teen Titans, Red Hood and the Outlaws, and Detective Comics (featuring members of the Bat-family). You could theoretically read only the Batman issues and get the full story, but the tie-ins bring the whole thing home, and I recommend reading most of them. I say most because some of the issues were lacking and even seemed irrelevant to the overall event, but the character revelations are generally worth reading (notably Catwoman).

Now here’s the basic story (minor spoilers): the Joker returns to Gotham City after a year-long absence and targets Batman and his allies. Previously, Joker had cut off his face (what the hey-dilly, right?), and now he comes back to claim the skin that was his face, which he wears over what can only be some nasty scar tissue. He then goes after everyone Batman holds dear, claiming that Batman has become too reliant on his allies, and that his “family” is holding Batman back from being the brilliant caped crusader of old. What’s even worse is that Joker claims to know who everyone is underneath their mask, which means that no one is safe, not even Alfred.

This event broke my heart on numerous occasions. First of all, after reading a few issues, it was clear that this was not the same Joker that I had fallen in love with. Granted, I’d grown accustomed to the Mark Hamill Joker, but compared to that and previous incarnations, this Joker was meaner, crazier, and much less likable. Pain in my chest cavity. I went from highly anticipating seeing the Clown Prince of Crime to hoping I could get a break from the maniac (while also wanting more).

Overall, things just go from bad to worse to bloody hell, and you never get a break. It’s very draining, but you can’t stop reading. I thought I could buy a few issues every now and then, and I ended up buying them all almost at once. Guess I won’t be eating for a while (worth it). By the end of it all, I had so many mixed feelings, heartbreak and all, that I was left breathless and unsure of myself emotionally and physically.

Character development and revelations: Yes, yes, and amazing, but first, let me say that Nightwing got shafted. I wanted more Dick Greyson (the original Robin) and less Teen Titans (featuring Red Robin, the third Robin). Also, thanks to the 2011 reboot of the DC franchise, Barbara Gordon (aka Batgirl), former paraplegic at the hands of the Joker, can kick crime’s saggy butt again as Batgirl, and the reappearance of the Joker her chance at revenge.

(By the way, in case you didn’t know, there are four Robins: Dick Greyson was the original, who is now Nightwing. Jason Todd replaced Greyson, but now he’s Red Hood. Todd was replaced by Tim Drake, who is now Red Robin of the Teen Titans. Finally, there’s Damian Wayne, Batman’s son and current sidekick.)

Everyone has some marvelous things that happen to them, that force them to confront who they are and what they believe, and the things that come out of their perils are so satisfying that I’m willing to overlook the sometimes long segments of comic that I have zero love for.

The dialogue was sometimes kind of terrible, and the artwork in some issues was definitely inferior to others, but whoo doggy, was it all spectacular at times. Specifically, I wanted to see Joker’s former face deteriorate as the story unfolded, and the artists delivered to my satisfaction. It was grotesque and sublime.

I’d love to talk in more depth about the happenings towards the end of the event, especially in Batman #17, but I will refrain (just in case). However, it is absolutely worth reading this story arc, tie-ins and all. Find a comic book store near you or download the DC Comics app and buy, buy, buy! At the very least, google search the promotional images for this event because they are incredible.

 

Superman’s Secret: Identity

From Superman v.2 #121 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Why does Superman need a secret identity? He’s Superman. If he takes off his costume, he’s still Superman. If Batman takes off his costume, he’s (*spoiler alert*) Bruce Wayne. If just about every other superhero took off their costumes, they’d also be somebody else. So what is Superman hiding from?

Superheroes have secret identities to protect themselves and the ones they love. Doesn’t it seem like Superman is intentionally putting people in danger by being (*spoiler alert*) Clark Kent? Okay, so maybe he was raised by humans, and maybe he wants to have a life outside of Superman; a life with other people. Fine. You win this round, Superman. Or do you?

The fact is, Superman doesn’t NEED a secret identity, he WANTS one. You could argue that Clark is a wage-earner so that Superman can eat, but does Superman NEED to eat? I don’t know the answer, and I haven’t looked it up yet. I thought Superman got everything he needed from the sun, and if that’s true, then Superman faces a conflict of needs versus wants. That conflict is a philosophical one, so I don’t think it can used as an example of the humanizing of Superman, but he does seem to have a need to be as much of a human he can be. So can it be said that Superman is hiding from himself?

Clearly, he is content with being Superman and helping and saving as many people as he can, but a little deeper than surface, is there a part of him that wishes he were more human? As far as I know, his relationship with all things Kryptonian is rocky; it has its ups and downs. I think he’s proud of where he came from, but my limited knowledge can’t help but wonder if there isn’t something our Man of Steel is hiding.

Honestly, it’s none of my damn business, so I’ll leave it alone. You’re welcome.

Glenn Close: magician of the mind

In Disney’s 1996 live-action remake of the animated film, 101 Dalmatians, and its 2000 sequel, 102 Dalmatians, Cruella was played by Glenn Close. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I don’t know what it is about Glenn Close, but she is probably the most brilliant actor I’ve ever seen (and my family knows how absurdly picky I am). I fell in absolute love with her after watching “Dangerous Liasons” and seeing the close-up moment where she gives the slightest smirk regrading her plans with John Malkovich’s character. She said nothing, but you knew EVERYTHING. It was sheer orgasm of the mind. In “Damages”, she was amazing in season 1 (everything after that was a bit downhill for her character, though they tried in the final season, they really did). And “Albert Nobbs”, anyone? Yes, yes, yEs, YeS, YES! I’m watching her now in “101 Dalmations” and I can’t stop loving her.

I don’t know if other people can do this, but I like to think my actor training allows me to see past a performance into what the actor is doing (the actor’s “acting”). Normally when I see this, it upsets me and completely destroys the moment and most of the movie (a good story forgives a lot of errors, writers, but don’t get penis-y because poor execution can obliterate a good story), but there’s something about Glenn Close’s process that keeps me involved. So involved, in fact, that as I’m trying to play Arkham City, I get sucked into this movie whenever she appears. That’s right, my love for Batman is distracted by my love for Glenn Close. Hold the mother-appreciating phone.

Meryl Streep (the over-valued queen of acting) has nothing on Glenn Close. When I watch Meryl, I see a lack of effort, but when I watch Glenn, I see process. I want to see process. If I want lack of effort, I watch Angelina Jolie (who I also LOVE). She doesn’t need to try because she’ll be in my heart forever. Glenn Close doesn’t need to try either, but I love her because she puts her all in there no matter what. NO MATTER WHAT.

Glenn Close, everybody. You’re welcome.

Could you kill?: philosophical ponderings of the ethically moral mind

Batman Beyond (comics) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Morals. Ethics. Philosophy. What do you believe? What code do you live by? Would you kill for pleasure, glory, or necessity, or might you condemn it all? Would you go so far as pacifism, the refusal to inflict harm? Let me put it in perspective. Batman will injure the crap out of you if necessary, but he will not kill you. He also could not live with himself if he were the cause of an innocent’s harm. What’s his motivator, justice? Revenge? An overwhelming sense of duty after the death of his parents by a violent criminal? How far could you go before you couldn’t help but abandon your morals? Could you, as Batman, continue to put the Joker behind bars, only to have him escape and kill (hundreds) more? How far could you go before you killed (for the sake of justice?) And is killing for the sake of justice truly justified? To what extent do your morals govern how you live? I mean, how tied to your moral code are you? Can you honestly say you wouldn’t kill someone, or should the situation arise that you were put in a position that you could either kill someone or be killed, would you still have the tenacity to remain true to your vow to never kill? Have you even made a vow never to kill?

Think about yourself and your relationship to the billions of other humans around you. Your needs are not paramount, but when is the time to put your needs above others? Is there such a time? And should you continuously put the needs of other before your own, is there a point where the ingratitude of others becomes too much to bear? Is it okay to expect a little return from the kindness that you show the world, or is kindness something expected from you (and everyone else)? If this is the case, we very clearly fail, because one good action in this world does not necessarily beget another. There are people who will bleed you dry if given then chance (because your blood donation could save at least 3 three lives). The pondaries never end. To that extent, does life ever really end? What defines life? Who has the authority to define definitions of this magnitude? Your deity of choice? Who is to say that the religious book you hold so dear is truth? Maybe it’s the summation (note: not quotation) of numerous individuals sharing a common belief that has been accepted by many. Again, who the hell is to say any of this is true?

What really matters? You. This is the time to be selfish: when it concerns you and only you. “I believe…” Finish the sentence, but know when is the time to say “I” and when is the time to put others before you. Know, however, that you do not have to share you beliefs on any topic with anyone. Your beliefs are your own, and your morals, beliefs, and personal philosophy are the concern of you. This is the one time, I think, to say: “Fuck everyone else.” They need to mind their own damn business anyway.

Expect more on this later. And yes, I’m playing Arkham City, and yes, I’ve been drinking. You can also expect a Drunkennings tomorrow night, BT the dubs (BTW).

P.S. the end of Arkham City is absolutely heartbreaking, especially during the credits. Damn near makes me cry every single time.

The Joker, after emerging from the canal of chemical-waste from Batman: The Killing Joke. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)